The Bad Place

For when you are ~*going through it*~

Check the other shoulder. [Photo by MIGUEL GASCOJ on Unsplash]

Every day of your life cannot be the best day unless you live in Barbie World and have yet to be tainted by the irrepressible thoughts of death. I am both burdened with a somewhat irrepressible Pollyanna nature (shhh we’re having fun!!!) and a crushing sense of practical realism.

Come to me, my darling, and I will hold your head between my hands and tell you everything is going to be okay while also cheerfully extolling how broken the many systems we live within are. I cannot fix them but I can give you gentle, metaphorical forehead kisses.

Anyway, here’s your newsletter

My brain is that asshole at the party who thinks they can DJ but all they have to offer is a playlist of the most random 90s throwback songs available. As soon as I started writing this the theme song from Friends supplanted Wonderwall¹ because sometimes it truly has not been your day, week, month, or even your year [enthusiastic clapping on the beat].

That is an unavoidable fact of life. The real question is what ~*the fuck*~ do you even do about it. (The answer is not to tell yourself or anyone else that “eVeRyThInG hApPEnS fOr A ReAsOn”, please leave that in a Delia’s catalog where it belongs.)

Laid Off

published a fantastic Wellbeing Toolbox this week with advice that’s applicable for any Time of Great Stress, not just post-layoff.

Laid Off: A Wellbeing Toolbox

The tl;dr is

• Stress will make you want to reach for your worst and oldest coping mechanisms; recognize this and focus on regular doses of copium that won’t leave you feeling worse/even more drained

• Ask. For. Help. Your network- personal and professional- can’t help you if they don’t know you need help. Yes it’s horrible, feelings are gross, you do not want to be a burden, etc, DO IT ANYWAY

• Related: engage in social distraction when possible, YOU STILL DESERVE FUN AND LITTLE TREATS!!!

• This is grief, too. Make time to mourn (and unpack exactly what it is you’re mourning; a loss of identity? an expected future?) or when the shock wears off you’ll find yourself hit by a truck of emotional burnout at the least convenient time

This is grief, too

It’s also very easy when you are ~*going through it*~ to fall into a nice little Panic! In The Style Of An Ouroboros! and that is completely understandable. (Especially if you live in a country that requires money to live and little to no safety net to help with that, cue eagle scream².)

But maybe…

Avoid this particular disco, however, by checking in with This One Weird Trick Claire’s Therapist Does Want You To Know:

If it is truly time to panic then it’s also time to ask for help, again if necessary. Even if it’s shameful and embarrassing. Even if you are humiliated to be seen as “a burden”. The entire point of building a functional society is so that we can all be burdened by one another in turn.

Bootstraps are a myth. (May we as a society find any other kind of strap to fixate on, please? Not teen girls’ spaghetti straps either.)

If you’re on the other side of it and don’t need to ask for help, figure out how to help. Don’t ask “how can I help”, offer something concrete. “Hey I heard about [insert tactful way of bringing up Unfortunate Incident here]. Can I [insert helpful action]?” Offer to review resumes, make introductions, buy or drop off lunch or dinner, do a load of laundry, just hang out— whatever makes the most sense for your relationship and what you’re comfortable offering.

And remember that most people get a lot of outreach and attention immediately after a bad thing happens. It’s weeks and months later when most people have stopped checking in that the real low times can hit.

Be as persistent as the last mosquitos of summer, but as the force for good you want to see in this world.

Get Rec’d

What I’m reading, watching, being haunted by.

• What I’m reading: As a fun companion to Butter I’m following it up with such light reads as The Myth of Making It: A Workplace Reckoning and The Body Keeps the Score³.

• What I’m watching: Only Murders is BACK, baby! and we are eating dips on the couch about it!!!

• Reality: Haha oh no

• Escapism: Mentally I am wearing this beautiful shirt

• Wildcard: The fandoms are NOT okay

Until next time.

1. Help. Me.

2. Fun fact: the sound you hear in your head right now is a red-tailed hawk because eagles sound like idiots and not rugged American birds to filmmakers I guess

3. The troooooma! (This joke is for like two people specifically)