Slide over here
In a parallel universe I am typing this with my hotdog fingers
It was my birthday recently, so I am forced to reckon with my personal journey towards death, as all mortal beings must.
Although by some measures of our society, I am already ancient beyond all reckoning (a woman passed the age of 25), in the grand scheme of things- geological or even universal time scales- my entire lifespan will amount to little more than a momentary blip. Makes you feel young, to contemplate the vastness of existence and how much longer there is to go before the eventual heat death of the universe1.
Even though objectively I am baby, I’ve lived many lives in my hobbies and work. I spent years growing up dancing, did a spectacularly ill-fated year as a cheerleader2, and then found my people in high school theatre3. In college, I wandered onto the sailing team (yes UT has one of those; no it is not the rowing team). I started running in my 20s and even trained at the UFC Gym for a few years (I would 1000% lose in a real fight).
Professionally I’ve had jobs in hipster retail, as a nanny, doing data entry, marketing for a yoga studio, and “real jobs” at everything from tiny tech startups to giant global corporations. I work for myself now, freelancing and consulting4.
Obviously, I’ve never been a person who chose A Path and stuck to it rigidly; you miss a lot of unexpected opportunities that way. You also only tend to meet the same kind of people which makes it too easy to get caught in a tunnel-vision idea of what the world is and which voices make it up. Or which ones should make it up5.
Slip into something more comfortable (a parallel universe)
I enjoyed the book The Midnight Library because of the way it allowed the protagonist to slip into several of the lives she could have lived, had she pursued different goals or made different choices. I loved The Space Between Worlds because of its concept: you can only travel to other worlds if the version of you that lives there is dead. That means people with difficult early lives across most worlds can make a very good living traveling between them to obtain valuable resources.
But get it wrong and meet another version of yourself? It meant self-destruction; death. Visits must be carefully calculated.
I’ve mentioned before that one way I let go of things that haven’t worked out for me- jobs, friendships, relationships- is thinking about how there’s a parallel universe version of me living that life. I can visit her, but never stay, because that would kill us both. The more important part of this exercise, for me at least, is asking what about that situation I want or miss. The ease of a particular connection? That can be found again, even if it feels impossible. The prestige that comes with a particular company or title? Does that mean something to me, or is it part of the standard programming of society?
Maybe the other version of me is incandescently happy with those other lives and maybe she isn’t but either way, they do not belong to me. I can only pick out the threads I want to weave into the rich tapestry of the one I am actually living.
The imperfect present
Because I am completely insane, I ran my 4th Ragnar Texas Trail race this month. It’s a 120ish-mile relay race with a team of 8 people; each person runs about 15 miles, broken into 3 different loops. You start on Friday morning and run through the night until your team is finished or drops out.
This year I ran 12 of my 15 miles in the dark, my progress limited to the tiny circle of light my headlamp threw into relief (mostly rocks I stumbled over in a sleep-deprived haze at 3am). It reminded me of my new favorite lifehack for when I’m feeling overwhelmed: strategic horse blinders!
That’s right, you can temporarily sooth the large, unstable prey animal6 inside of you by forcing it to focus on what’s immediately ahead of it, not allowing it to get spooked by the rest of the obligations hovering just behind or to the side.
Is this a magical panacea for all of my problems? No! Is it helping when life is perpetual chaos? Yes!
So strap those strategic horse blinders on as we head into the final stretch of the year, babes. The horrors persist but right now they are fun and seasonal 👻
Get Rec’d
What I’m reading, watching, being haunted by.
What I’m reading: I finished The God of the Woods and damn, that’s a contender for best book I’ve read this year. Highly, highly recommend if you’d like a mystery that skillfully weaves several plots together.
What I’m watching: Want an underrated spooky season watch? The 2011 remake of Fright Night is an unexpected delight. It is A CRIME that David Tennant’s Vegas magician/vampire hunter is barely in the trailer.
Reality: “Generative A.I. appeals to people who think they can express themselves in a medium without actually working in that medium.” If you haven’t read the Ted Chiang piece on Gen AI in The New Yorker, it’s a must-read.
Escapism: Find the ultimate Fantasy for Adults.
Wildcard: If I haven’t made you read the post about why horses are so weird and insane I insist that you do so now!
Until next time.
If we go out in a fit of Vacuum Decay it’s fine because we’ll never see it coming!
Even back then I was Adventure Friend, willing to embarrass myself in cheerleading tryouts so my friend did not have to do it alone. I definitely could have been the mascot, tho. Missed opportunity to die of heatstroke in an eagle costume!!
Spelling it this way lets you know I was a dedicated nerd
Yikes!!!
Horses are Like That due to having One Big Toe