As I walk through the Uncanny Valley
The shadow of Death Becomes Her
One of my book clubs1 holds a holiday gathering every year where we bring a book we loved from the previous year and exchange it White Elephant-style. This year, I ended up with my girl Joan Didion’s book of essays, Let Me Tell You What I Mean, the last book published before she died.
The introduction, by writer and critic Hilton Als, highlights Didion’s ability to bring the uncanny into contemporary nonfiction and quotes Freud about it because what else is a Distinguished Professor Man to do?
“In his 1919 essay about the phenomenon, Freud writes that the uncanny is synonymous with and expressive of ‘all that arouses dread and creeping horror.’ But the good doctor observes in the same paper that ‘the word itself is not always used in a clearly definable sense, so that it ends to coincide with whatever excites dread.’”
Als goes on to remind us that what Didion does best with the uncanny is show, not tell.
*Cue the George Michael soundtrack*
Did Nicole Kidman’s wigs consent to this
Speaking of showing: Babygirl is a rich text. (Spoilers ON THE WAY, BABES, you’ve been warned.)
This movie has EVERYTHING: Nicole Kidman doing some incredibly vulnerable acting2, including her best to emote through the cosmetic choices she has made (which WORKS for the characters she keeps playing; girlfriend knows what she is about), Harris Dickinson with acne and bad tattoos3, the suspension of disbelief that Antonio Banderas is not doing it for his wife, inverting classic power plays, what is either a dog-training-based fetish or symbolism for innocence/loyalty (¿Por Qué No Los Dos?), erotically chugging milk, absolutely no regard for actual kink community practices (by design; it’s a warning not a manual), and a mother-daughter relationship for the ages (affectionate).
I love it when a movie has a hook (sex or dinosaurs) that’s not really what the movie is about (power/desire/shame or hubris). Yes, it is about a woman who finally comes to terms with what she wants in a sexual relationship after a lifetime of performing what she was taught was desirable: the “normal” stuff she knew her husband wanted. But it’s really about the shame she felt for wanting something else — for wanting, period.
Romy already Has It All: incredible wealth and status, a handsome and successful partner, and a beautiful family. It’s picture-perfect on the surface, but there are drums, drums in the deep.
And our titular Babygirl can only get off when it’s all on the line.
Arouse that dread and creeping horror, girl
Freud would obviously have a fucking field day with this movie, but thankfully we are spared from his ghost’s hot takes (but not mine 👻). The thriller part of the film comes in when you’re wondering if Romy is going to lose it all due to torrid affair. One call from the sexy intern in his little Men’s Warehouse ties, and it’s all over for our Babygirl!!
Personally, I like the idea that Romy is tired, so tired, and that’s why burning it all down is so appealing to her. Her life is an endless parade of meetings and therapy and the incredible discipline it takes to look the way she does at 57. (The only thing you see her ingest the entire movie aside from coffee is the glass of milk.) What a relief to have someone else finally tell you what to do, to surrender your body instead of continuing to force it into socially acceptable shapes.
To make room for play that isn’t performative— but also know the cost of that play because she feels not just shame but guilt for wanting it.
Multiple times in the movie, subordinate characters have the ability to take her down but instead, explicitly choose to keep her where she is. She is Sisyphus, pushing her automated robots up the warehouse hill day by exhausting day, returning home to a husband she feels doesn’t really know her, doesn’t see her.
Having to face that and really face herself is more punishment than the freedom that would come from the fallout of losing her position, her company, and her family as it is.
The horrifying ordeal of being known (not always specifically by a 23-year-old intern).
Scary Stories to Tell in the Afternoon (in your fancy hotel room)
The dog thing really only bookends the movie — the incident at the beginning and a montage you’re free to interpret as you will at the end. I tried to turn my dog training brain off for the opening bit (bro, how did you know the dog was trained on whistle recall?? do you always have dog cookies in your pocket for wild off-leash dogs in NYC???), but then I was like…oh.
Women are often socialized to downplay their needs in the face of keeping the peace; it’s both explicitly taught in some families and implicitly reinforced by society. After all, don’t you want to be a Good Girl?
I always did. Then I got Bea.
Learning how to handle her reactivity and advocate for her needs has made me better at advocating for my own, both personally and professionally. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many stories highlight midlife for women as a time they are simply out of fucks to give and ready to throw away the shame they’ve been carrying around for so long4.
All Fours. The Wedding People.
It turns out that a lifetime of performing, of being normal, A Good Girl, does not get you what you were promised— or it does, but that promise is an empty one. What the hell were you promised anyway? Success? Peace? Happiness?
Better to be a little weird about it instead.
“The whole exchange is so businesslike, Phoebe suddenly wishes she could go back and speak the same way when in bed with her husband. She wishes she could have had the courage to ask for what she wanted, even if it sounded weird. Because she is starting to suspect that she actually likes weird things. That everybody likes weird things, which is why sex shops are open in the middle of a Thursday afternoon.”
-The Wedding People
I guess this is why Brené Brown, like, has a career.
Get Rec’d
What I’m reading, watching, being haunted by.
What I’m reading: I picked up the latest in the sexy dragon series (Onyx Storm) this week, so it’s DRAGON TIME, BABY!!
What I’m watching: Probably Babygirl for a third time !!!
Reality: This was very hard to read.
Escapism: Oh, to live in a tiny bubble, freezing in real time.
Wildcard: “But if we're ruthlessly honest about how we're flawed and how we've contributed to our own problems – we can work on those mistakes and navigate the future differently.” We love a dopamine hit.
Until next time.
I don’t have a problem, etc
Thinking of one scene in particular, IYKYK !!!
Are they his??? Did they add them??? I know the costume department was having a great time with this movie and I want that one blouse she wears in the shitty hotel room but I’m sure it’s like $2k
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual awakening, but that’s definitely the subject our delightfully Puritan American Society loves to coat with shame the most, so it makes sense